When your 'dream project' becomes a 'big problem', and not in the way you expected

First, let me say i’m not mad or angry at the house, but before I can properly dive into the story of the project, there is so much static I have to wade through in the current moment. THAT is the subject of this little post - how the bigger tasks we take on in the name of progress can actually backfire and cause us to become derailed.

that garbage pile, front and center.

I was talking with guys at the house (I do quite enjoy the hours of banter with subs, it’s nice having people around and we often compose solutions to world geopolitical situations, share recipes, discuss travel plans, vent about clients and family members, share retirement plans, etc) the this morning about how the work we do often gets in the way of the work we NEED to do. I find this to be so very true, and maybe if I write about it for a few minutes, I’ll take ‘write about managing things’ off of my list of things I’m supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW. Speaking of that list, while I type, it includes: installing the railings that arrived this morning, ordering a ton of stuff at home depot, ordering gutters, organizing our financial universe, exercise, laundry, cleaning the driveway, running the burn pile, nursing work contacts, researching plastics, staying in touch with friends and clients that I really miss being in contact with and feel horrible for not being in better contact with, fixing the harsh tan lines on my back from last week’s run, grocery shopping (been years since I did that properly), washing windows, ordering catering food, birthday shopping for my mom, finishing all of the trim and windows in the entire house, setting up my office downstairs, cleaning and setting up the storage room, mulching the entire garden, fixing the seized pump on the power washer, and probably 18 more things that really in all honesty need to be done immediately.

ANYWAY, behind that really long list are some truly forward-thinking and long term plans that I would really prefer to be focusing on. Most are professional - I would really like to devote more time to being a more intense real estate agent, like I was over the winter when I was in denial of the mountain of work the house would be once the rough trades were done. I also have a side project that is really important to me but it is in such an early stage that it easily gets squashed by the LOUD AND YELLING tasks in front of me. Some are personal, like increasing my fitness levels, starting to do artwork and woodworking projects, building a serious vegetable garden, and getting caught up on the last 9 years of family photos. I’d also like to try out ‘leisure time’, which I hear is when you do random things like say ‘what should we do today? we have no plans….’ and then you just go for a bike ride or sit at brunch for 3 hours or whatever without being terrified of all things you’re actually supposed to be doing. I have not tried that before.

I feel like at this point, I’m spending 100% of the ‘me’ I have available on the tasks like finishing those infernal doors - which now I can’t finish fully because the deck is being worked on, so there’s a stack of unhinged doors in my living room AGAIN - and the hundreds of menial and important tasks that the house demands. On one hand, i’m happy to do it so that it just GOES AWAY. I mean, if I don’t clear that scrap pile (which is being added to relentlessly the past week, despite me burning and sorting and putting out garbage), it will never be cleared. I know that policy is true for all of the rest of it too. But on the other hand, this has been going on for so long, and I know i’m not giving as much as I want to be giving to my active clients, and I’m delaying the work on my side stuff way past a point i’m comfortable with. Is there a point at which the house has taken so much time that it undoes all the work i’ve done to build a career and create momentum? I do feel like possibility is getting real at this point. If I was 24, i’m sure I would feel differently, but I’m 46. I would really like myself back to myself and not feel like I left all of my potential in the fixing of shitty drywall details and cleaning up garbage left all over my property by contractors that can’t seem to figure out how to properly use a garbage can.

Can any of you relate?? I’m now SO behind on getting started on the driveway pile today, that i’m not going to edit this and I’m just leaving it here messy like this, but would love to hear from any of you that need to vent about the same thing!